I give thanks to the pandemic

Saigon is in the midst of the Covid outbreak, the number of patients could hit up to 5k any soon. And it's nearly two months since I haven't stepped a foot outside. Despite all the craziness, I'm writing this to give thanks to the Pandemic. First of all, because God has sheltered me and my family through this hard time, and second of all, I have never felt more peaceful like this in my lifetime.

Just a little notice that I'm about to quit my job this week. A job that could sustain me financially, and yet I still decided to quit it during this pandemic time. What a fool am I? But I suppose my life is kinda like that, it's not rigid in any sense but when I give out my final decision, it doesn't matter despite the context.

Therefore I want to write about how thankful am I during this time period. I even do not aware of any craziness going out there. It's just not that I am not scared of being sick, but I think all the panic outside is just because now people have to deal with the concept of death. And I have been okay with that for a while.

The very first thing is that until now, my family is safe and sound, although I do not know what might change in the next minute, these are the best I have had with them. We have time with each other to talk, to cook, to care,... which we have never done before because when life gets in the way, each of us just scatters through it.

The second of all is my life is going slowly and peacefully and I am okay with that. You might think that this is weird but, for the past of my life, every happy moment I enjoyed, I also had to prepare for the next worst thing that might happen. So this time, I can enjoy its peace without the burden of the next suffering.

I'm in the mid of my 20, and recently I have come to feel like becoming a fully normal person. It just happened that now I've developed a routine. I wake up every 8 AM and go to sleep at about 11-12 PM. I decided to write by hand and I did, I write from 2-3 pages each day on a blank sketchbook. I have more time to read, with the speed of 1-3 books a week. I take time for my work, my project and my learning. And I never repeat much of a task in a day if I've done it already.

And I have time to think about my life again. I admit that I have no clue what am I gonna do to sustain my life and be joyful enough to keep me going. The idea of dropping out of school cross my mind (which never happens before because I used to be so certain that I'm gonna finish the highest level of education, which doesn't make sense to me now). I guess we all change in one way or another, for better or worse. Many possibilities open up for me and I think I need to choose one of them.

I even have time to stare out the windows blankly though there's not much to look at and feel like life is good in this way. These days, I really live in this moment.

Therefore, I gave my thanks to the pandemic. I don't think life will be the same after the outbreak, and apparently, the outbreak is inevitable in every country, so I wonder why people keep getting shocked? I just think the answer is now they have to face closely with the concept of death and where they going afterlife.

But I do give thanks to it because I know sooner or later, life will get in its way again. So I guess I just enjoy every solitary moment I have right now and stare at the window blankly as much as possible.

But of course, don't I ever forget, the fulfillment of taking God's shelter for life.

21/07/2021 3:45 PM Saigon